Let's talk about p#rn. Search "p#rn addiction" on Google, and you'll find articles about men who struggle to live a regular life. If that's you, I hear you. I feel you.
But how about the man that watches p#rn and is still living a regular life. What is the price he pays? And before you start; I'm not saying p#rn is bad. I just want to open the conversation around awareness when it comes to this topic.
Until a little longer than a year ago, p#rn was a whopping 20–25 years part of my own life. Just like most of us, I discovered it as a teenager. Then it was just exciting and cool. Later it became part of my 'normal'. A way to unwind and relax.
Never there were really noticeable negative effects of this behavior. But I always believe in breaking the patterns, so I started the 'experiment'.
Questions for you:
Before I continue my personal story, let me ask you the following questions about your current relationship with p#rn:
Is it normal for you to watch it?
How much do you watch on a monthly, weekly or daily?
Are you watching it alone? Are you watching it with your partner?
Does your partner know you watch it?
And what is the price you pay for it?
The Experiment
About a year ago, I made the decision to start an experiment by eliminating p#rn completely from my life. I wanted to see if and what the impact would be on me, my relationship, business and the rest of my life. It started by deleting literally every file I had (and yes it was a lot).
To be honest, stopping wasn't that easy. Not the action of not doing it, but the urge itself. It became evident that the pattern of chill and p#rn was deeper installed in my life than I thought.
The Results
To be honest, many things have changed since I stopped. So let's go over those changes:
I realized that I had created a pattern of escape. In the moments when I felt emotional discomfort I sometimes turned to p#rn to distract and numb myself. I know all those things, but before the experiment I was never conscious that I used porn in that way. With this distraction gone, I didn't have my escape anymore. Resulting in me facing some of my own demons and slaying them.
I gained way more energy, strength, focus and creativity. This resulted in the best year ever in my company.
I realized that a big part of my reality around sex was shaped around the type of porn I watched. Growing up, that was my source of information about how to be a good lover. Now I approach sex and intimacy as a total beginner. And I can tell you my sex life is better than it ever was.
The connection with my fiancé (Ingvild I love you) is deeper and stronger than it ever was. Stopping p#rn allowed me to be more present in our intimate moments.
I was always defending that my behavior was harmless, but I was wrong. Embarking on this experiment has purified my life. And as a coach/mentor for men, it brought up some amazing new insights.
We as men are watching porn men to sedate ourselves to run away for our truth. And when we stop sedating, the truth arises. This truth is not always comfortable. But it is the only way to set ourselves free and step into our own greatness.
If you're having a hard time stopping with p#rn, reach out because it's way easier than you think. It starts with a decision to gain the first traction. But then there are always uncomfortable feelings and that little voice will come up. When you learn how to deal with this pattern of sedation is not necessary anymore. So we are focusing on the origin (emotional pain/truth) and not the symptom (behavior of watching p#rn).
Conclusion
Sharing this story is personal, really personal. Especially being a coach/mentor myself. Most coaches/mentors paint the perfect picture. And the truth is we are all flawed human beings.
That makes us perfect in the first place. I wanted to share this experiment with you to inspire and share my lessons. That our behavior, what feels like innocent holds us back to fully be free and realize our true potential.
Rise up legends.
Daniel Kluken